Hi, my name is Raina. And I like to learn things the hard way. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I just looove making the same mistake over and over and that, every time, I will be MYSTIFIED by the outcome. I also love not thinking things through. That will be written on my tombstone. “Here lies Raina Becker. She didn’t think it through.”
For an example. There are two things that I never do before leaving the house; check the weather or look in a full-length mirror. I have no good reasons for not doing those things. And I’ve been burned numerous times as a direct result of not doing one of those things (I have gotten down to the front door of my apartment building only to be completely surprised by the fact that it is raining and have had walk back up three flights of stairs to change and/or get an umbrella, seriously, no less than 10 times this year already). That being said, it should come as a surprise to no one (except me) that this can make for an unfortunate fashion faux pas or two. Like the time I got to work only to realize I was dressed as Peter Pan.
You have to be really not paying attention to show up to work dressed like a Disney character. A male Disney character. I had worn the dress once before but this time had decided to step it up with the accessorizing. Naturally, this being the first time I’d put this combination together, I didn’t bother to check out the big picture. I threw the ankle booties I planned for this outfit in my bag and walked to work in my snow boots. When I got to work and changed my shoes, for the first time I kind of took it all in. And quickly realized the errors of my ways.
“Hmmmpf. Well. That’s not what I was going for.”
Later that morning, while standing around with my coworkers during a fire drill, someone paid me a compliment and told me I looked cute. Because I can’t just say “thank you” and shut up, I got awkward and said, “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I look like Peter Pan today.”
“YES. You DO. It was reminding me of something but I couldn’t figure out what.” Oh good, I was afraid it was just me.
After the fire drill, I promptly went into the ladies’ room to take a couple of pictures to send to my friends. I wanted their thoughts on the matter. The consensus? “Bitch, you’re dressed like Peter Pan. And you just figured that out.”
My Friend Omar really brought it home with his boss Photoshop skills.
I wish I could say that this was the first time I showed up to work looking ridiculous or inappropriate. But, shocker, I cannot. Because before Peter Pan, there was the time I didn’t wear pants to work.
It was a hot, rainy “spring” morning in Philly (I only knew that because it was raining hard enough that I heard it through the fireplace). And I’m just going to level with you, I’m a Sweaty Betty. So getting dressed most mornings, I am just thinking about how to get to work without over heating on the walk there, so that FOR ONCE I can show up to work not soaked in my own sweat. Knowing that I had to wear my rain boots, I opted for a sleeveless shift dress to keep it breezy (read: the breeze could reach my skin). As I walked through the torrential down pour on my walk to the office, I caught a glimpse of myself in a store window.
SHIT. Shit, shit, shit.
I started walking faster, as fast as I could while still being able to keep my umbrella positioned at the one angle that prevented it from blowing inside out. I dashed through the lobby of my office building, paying special attention to not slip and fall, jumped into the elevator and up to the 14th floor. “I just need to get to my desk and then I’ll figure it out,” I thought as I dripped with rain and sweat. As I stepped off the elevator, I was greeted by a sea of men in suits waiting for the elevator. Like a crazy person, I scurried through them with my head down. Murmuring “excuse me” like a weirdo, I parted the seas and made it through the glass security door of our office. Once I got to my cubicle, I put my stuff down and tried to convince myself that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Creeping around like burglar in an old timey movie, looking both ways before I’d take a step and then inch around corners with my back to the wall, I made my way to my friend’s office.
I stood in the door way of her office and asked, “Is this too short?”
Actually, I started to ask her that. Because before the word “short” had completely left my mouth, she screamed, “Raina, WHERE are your pants?!?”
So lesson learned. Turns out, that was a long shirt, not a dress. In my defense, I had only ever worn that “dress” over leggings, so… how was I supposed to know? Right. Look in the mirror.
And no, I still haven’t learned. Here is a picture of my most recent mishap. Yes, that is my bra AND my belly button.